She’s been defending the Earth since the early 90s and she’s very tired.
My name is Tominaga Haruka. I was chosen by a magical talking animal, and for the last 29 years I’ve been Earth’s one and only… Wonder-Sparkle Princess.
she’s been fighting the same villains for three decades and they are also tired of it. Most of them aren’t giving it their all. Half of them are in a groupchat they’ve added her to where they schedule their evil plans to make sure they don’t interfere with each other, or more importantly, with *her*
Xalkrax the space demon from outer space decided to attack the city when she was taking her vacation time once, and now he’s dead, because even the power of friendship and redemption can’t save you if you interrupt her rare vacations
Demon Queen Eluria: Gonna fill the city people’s hearts with hatred on thursday to cause mayhem and discord.
Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Can’t, got a PTA meeting.
Demon Queen Eluria: Friday?
Wonder-Sparkle Princess: A birthday party.
Demon Queen Eluria: Damn. How about I fill just the mayor’s heart with hatred then?
Wonder-Sparkle Princess: That’d be redundant, lol. Maybe fill his heart with a desire to fix the fucking potholes?!
Demon Queen Eluria: LMFAO love you, bitch. Stay strong.
Wonder-Sparkle Princess: You too, gurl. How’s the husband? Still dead?
Demon Queen Eluria: Yep. Thanks for that, btw.
Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Don’t mess with my time off :p
Why are people tagging this ’#wonder sparkle princess’ like that’s a thing and not a name I made up exclusively for this post?
We had one of Steff’s comedian friends staying with us on the weekend, lovely lad called Sam from Singapore. He had never been to Wales before, and he requested that we take him to a Welsh restaurant so he could try Welsh food
That’s surprisingly difficult, actually. Like a lot of Welsh culture, our culinary traditions have not exactly been applauded over the years, so you don’t really see them. But a lucky Google search revealed a brand new one has just opened in SA1 called the Welsh House, so great! Away we went.
Fuck me, they went all in.
It wasn’t just the menu (though fuck me, what a menu - one of their ‘for the table to share’ options was little mini leek and cheddar Welsh cakes with salted butter and they were paralysingly good). It wasn’t just that every alcohol was Welsh, even including the wine (surprisingly good btw, called 'Naturiol’.)
The table centerpieces were daffodils. All signs for the toilets were Welsh only. The walls had photos of Wales, modern and historical; the windows had the fleur de lis; the specials board (pork belly in Welsh cider and damson sauce with honey and wild garlic glazed carrots) had dragons on. I realise this is probably normal for country-themed restaurants, but I’ve never been to one for Wales before.
But the best bit, see, was the music
I clocked, when we walked in, that they were playing If You Tolerate This Then Your Children Will Be Next by the Manic Street Preachers (you always clock the Manics). Ah, I thought. A Welsh song! In a Welsh restaurant! Ho ho ho.
As they seated us, it became What’s New Pussycat. Ah! I thought. Another Welsh song! Fu fu fu.
Then they played Monster by the Automatic and I was like my god are they only playing Welsh music?? That’s so cool! What an eclectic mix that’s going to be. We should suggest to them they should look into Welsh language music too, really mix it up.
And then they played Anrheoli by Yws Gwynedd and lads, Steff and I lost our shit. We lost our fucking shit. Sam’s sitting there, utterly bewildered. The staff are nervously edging away from us. We don’t care. It’s the first time I have ever heard a Welsh language song played outside of a Welsh language setting. We’re so excited.
“They’re playing Welsh music!!!” says Steff. “Holy shit!!!”
“Imagine if they played Sebona Fi!” I say, humorously.
“Nah,” says Steff. “You can’t in a restaurant. There’d be a riot, it’s faerie music.”
“…what?” says Sam
We explain the cultural phenomenon that is Sebona Fi. The song changes: Primadonna Girl, by Marina and the Diamonds.
“She’s Welsh??” says Sam.
“She’s from Abergavenny!” we beam.
“I don’t know what that means,” nods Sam, who is from Singapore.
Next: The Bartender and the Thief, by the Stereophonics. We’re in high spirits. The extraordinarily Welsh wine arrives, as does the rarebit on sourdough starter. Sam, a gay man, delightedly orders the faggots and peas.
They play Ben Rhys by Gwilym Bowen Rhys, and we lose our shit again. Sam is now used to this, because comedians are adaptable. “They even have daffodils!” I say, misty eyed. “Is that relevant?” Sam asks, fascinated.
They play Hiraeth, by PLU. Hard to explain that one. Very hard to explain the effect it has when it’s played in a restaurant, but Sam looks around the suddenly muted room and whispers “Are we in church?”
“It’s about Hiraeth,” whispers Steff. “So kind of.”
Next: the Masses Against the Classes, by the Manics. Utter tonal whiplash. This playlist is not remotely restaurant appropriate. It’s perfect.
“You’d think they’d pick like… a genre,” Sam says dreamily. “We just went from church to the barricades.”
The faggots arrive. “I forgot it would be a western sized portion,” Sam says morosely, of what to me is a normal sized plate of food. He tries one, and brightens.
They play Sebona Fi.
The place erupts.
Going from church to the barricades seems like a natural enough transition to me.
Sometimes, fires break out at places that are very popular. If there’s a fire at the entrance, customers run to the exit. But that single exit door may not open. Why not? Because some asshole parked a truck in front of it. If you hire us, we’ll prevent such bizarre accidents from happening. Boss.Okay. Write down your bank details.
사자 THE DIVINE FURY (2019), dir. Kim Joo Hwan / Jason Kim
Went outside my fandom bubble and saw people being cancelled for shipping two characters who tried to kill each other once damn is this the limit nowadays
Trying to kill each other is a reason to START shipping characters
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